Carol Camp
Meanwhile, Human
The Hidden Now
#0k
While We Wait For Sunrise
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i'm on vacation with P and of course i'm realizing how little i know about myself. had plans to read and write here but didn't do anything but think. i need to live in the present, always have a hard time doing that. to help, will make a list of what i enjoy doing. i need to, according to him, guarantee my first two maslow steps, which we call the base. so to do that... find a part or full-time job. good thing is that i'll be able to keep working while in europe, which... yes. please.
my monthly expenses here in brazil come to about: R$ 2000 (R$ 1200 rent + 90 internet + 500 food + 200 extra), which is... US$ 400 A FUCKING MONTH. minimum. EASY.
my monthly expenses while waiting for my process in italy will be about: €950 (max €600 rent/utilities + 100 transport + 30 internet + 100 food + 100 extra). 950 euros, 1000 dollars. doable, no? totally fucking doable.
work online. STABLE. what? virtual assistant is the most realistic. social media manager? need some experience, can take a course online or some shit. coloring as an extra because easy. translation or copywriting? create portfolio, take courses probably. data entry? read more, how do I find jobs? anyway, it is clearly possible to make 400-1000 dollars a month. like, come on, right? yeah. then i can think about moving to the hague (italy + 100 or 200 euros/month + 700/year for school, if school).
but honestly, gotta enjoy italy. don't wanna be bare bones anymore. wanna live. live like 2017/2018 - the good bits, obviously. have friends, feel alive. i don't know. just have fun, enjoy life, not feel like a ghost, etc.
things that are making me anxious
- lack of financial stability (present)
- lack of financial stability (future)
- not being able to get my art recognized
- running out of time in my 20s
things i wanna do to become whole
- find a remote, stable, temporary job
- make more art (painting, photography, poetry, film, pottery, anything)
- give art my all
- travel around europe while living in: italy (1+ year), netherlands (2-3+ years), paris (maybe, 1-2 years)
- go to nyc for at least 6 mos
- finish my novel, publish it
- write more poetry, publish collection
- european road trip with mom
- new orleans-chicago road trip with mom
- solo japan trip (tokyo, countryside, islands)